Faithful Misrepresentation

As a Christian, I had one fantastic miracle story in my repertoire; I had seen God multiply food. I was in Africa at the time with about 50 other college students doing AIDS work/mission work for a month in the summer and one morning I was in charge of oatmeal. Beacause there were so many of us, we were organized into teams to divide up the daily chores and this was my team's morning for breakfast. There had barely been enough food for all of us and each morning we had been served a tiny scoop of oatmeal meant to last most of the day. I was dreading the job of distributing less than enough food to my friends. As the first person came through the line, I thought, "to hell with it" and gave each person as much as they wanted. I kept scooping and scooping until suddenly I realized that everyone was sitting down with their breakfast and I had one scoop left over.

Pretty fantastic, isn't it? I was so thrilled I told everyone about how God had provided for his children when they needed it most. Except... that's not exactly what happened. Everything I said was true, but there were a few other factors I didn't include. I never told anyone that even though I barely had 3 cups of oatmeal in my pot, two other of my friends were serving cream of wheat and students would choose which one they wanted. Also, I really did have one scoop left over, but it was because the last guy in line said he really didn't feel like oatmeal. So what appears to be a re-enactment of the feeding of the 5,000 is really my lack of attention to detail.

Before you judge me too harshly, I need to clarify that I never intentionally misrepresented the facts of what happened. In that moment, I was completely convinced that I had seen a miracle. I knew God had done something and if I told the whole story, that would just confuse people about whether or not there really was a miracle. Thinking back on this, it makes me wonder if many miracle stories are like this; faithful followers who saw something they truly believed to be the work of God and who leave out what they perceive as insignificant details. I'd like to believe that most Christians, instead of being con-artists, are genuinely mistaken.

Maybe Hope...

I think humans have an enormous capability for creating beauty, hope and wonder. Yes, we can be self absorbed, tripping over ourselves to push our way to the top, but sometimes there is something wonderful the emerges out of our unique humanity. We have the ability to see the world around us for what it could be, and are filled with compassion and desire to make it that way. For this reason, I have chosen not to hate religion. While some will take their religious documents and create dogmas and persecution, others will see life.

I just read a journal entry from a friend a have who is returning from India. She spent the last six months learning about human trafficking and has dedicated her life to find a way to make a difference... somehow. I was touched by her genuine love for the girls and women she met and how she passionately wants to love others for exactly who they are and without agenda. The standard she holds herself to is loving others the way Jesus loved.

Do I believe that the Bible is the word of God? No, I can't say that I do. Do I believe that Jesus really did and said all those things attributed to him, or even that all those things are good? No, probably not. What gives me hope, though, is my friend's ability to create the most beautiful compassionate selfless person from an ancient book and dedicate herself to becoming as close to that as she can. I will always support this type of religion; one that pledges to love all persons no matter their social standing, ethnicity or even beliefs. If this is the direction religion is going, count me in.

The Case for Faith: Hell

As promised earlier, I will continue my review of the claims in Lee Strobel's Case for Faith. I decided not to follow them in order because honestly some of these claims just aren't that compelling. I would like to address the issue of hell, mostly because that particular theology is what triggered my growing doubt in the Christian god. I grew up with the standard view of hell ( or at least what I thought was standard); those who don't choose to accept Jesus will be cast into the lake of fire for eternity. While this idea bothered me some, I was able to hold a suspension of disbelief about the justice of this teaching because I was told that God didn't send people there, but they chose it. It wasn't God's fault that people didn't want to be with him; he was just giving them what they wanted. It was easy to imagine that those hard-hearted wicked people were choosing to live apart from God, and just getting what they deserved since I didn't have to deal with the reality of someone I loved being sentenced there. When I realized that the majority of people who were "going to hell" weren't evil and wiked and openly rejecting a God they had full knowledge of, but rather good, kind people just doing their best, the whole idea flew right out the window.

In Strobel's book, his interviewee makes different claims about hell, which are becoming more popular given the blatant injustice of the typical theology. J.P. Moreland clearly feels that fire and brimstone teachings about hell are no longer en vouge; he writes off all passages about fire and torture as "figurative" and then devises his own ideas about what hell must be like. "The punishment of hell is separation from God, bringing shame, anguish and regret.... The pain that's suffered will be due to the sorrow from the final, ultimate, unending banishment from God, his kingdom, and the good life for which we were created in the first place." He makes it clear that while there will be no official torturing of souls, "Hell is the worst possible situation that could ever happen to a person". So, even though he eliminated the fire, this is still an awful, eternal, tortuous place to exist. While this view is still cruel and unjust, if he had stuck to it, at least there is some support from scripture to back his claims. However, he continues, "You have to understand that people's character is not formed by decisions all at once, but by thousands of little choices each day without even knowing about it. Each day we're preparing ourselves for either being with God and his people and valuing the things he values, or choosing not to engage with those things.... If people do not fall passionately in love with him, then to force them to have to be around him forever--doing the kinds of things that people who love him would want to do--would be utterly uncomfortable." At this point, Moreland has just stepped all over his argument. He wants to communicate that hell is a terrible place to be, because if it isn't, Christianity might lose a portion of their followers who are believing solely on Pascal's Wager. However, if hell is a terrible place, then it is cruel of God to send people there for all eternity, so Moreland attempts to argue that people choose to be there and wouldn't really want to be around God anyway. I think the problems with the argument are self evident, but what is interesting is that scripture is pretty clear about what hell will be like; no sugar coating there.

This is a summary from religioustolerance.org of a few passages about hell:

Matthew 13:42: "And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."
Matt 25:41: "Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels." This passage relates to Jesus' judgment of all the world.
Mark 9:43-48: And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched." The reference to fire is repeated three more times in the passage for emphasis.
Luke 16:24: "And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame." This is a plea described as coming from an inhabitant of Hell.
Revelation 20:13-15: "...hell delivered up the dead which were in them...And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."
Revelation 21:8: "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." Brimstone is sulphur. In order for sulphur to form a lake, it must be molten. Thus, its temperature must be at or below 444.6 °C or 832 °F

In spite of the flames, Hell is totally dark:
Matthew 8:12: "But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness..."
Matthew 22:13: "...take him away, and cast him into outer darkness."
Matthew 25:30: "And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness..."
Torturing prisoners with sulphur:
Revelation 14:10: "...and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb." The "Lamb" here refers to Jesus. It is not clear whether Jesus and the angels are present as torturers or merely as observers.
Worms -- apparently flesh-eating:
Mark 9:44-48: "Where their worm dieth not..." The immortal worm is repeated three times in this passage for emphasis. One point of interest is that the author of Mark refers to "their worm" not to "the worms." That seems to imply that each prisoner has his own worm.
Extreme thirst:
Luke 16:23-26: "And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame."
Prisoner's reaction to the torment:
Matthew 8:12: "...there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
Matthew 13:42: "... there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."
Matthew 13:50: " there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."
Matthew 25:30: "... there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth"

Thats quite a lot of metaphor....

Heaven

I spent this weekend with my husband at the beach and it was fantastic. We walked through a secluded beach, watching tiny crabs scatter through the salt marsh, climbing over fallen palmetto trees and sitting in the warm sun watching sail boats pass by. We worked in the garden, planting a beautiful yellow jessamine and a few lillies and sat on the back porch with fresh caught shrimp. I was so happy.

And then, as it always does, Sunday night rolled around and I had to kiss my husband goodbye and make the long drive back to school in the dark. In these moments of incredible joy, I am struck with an inescapable piercing sadness. I desperately wanted to cling to that weekend, to stay in that place of timeless peace and love but I realized that no matter how beautiful my experiences are, they will always come to an end. Every moment, every relationship, every home and comfort will blossom and eventually die. At the end of everything, there is pain and death, and then nothing. It broke my heart.

This weekend, I fully understood the psychological need for heaven. I need to know that even though my moments of beauty and joy pass so quickly in this life, there is another life coming when happiness is not hovered over by the lurking cloud of ending. Otherwise, the greater the joy in the moment, the greater the pain experienced when it is over. While I have certainly heard the argument that without pain and suffering, we would not know joy and happiness, I have to disagree. For example, my husband and I have been living apart for years because he is in the military and I am finishing a degree. Some of our friends have told us this is a blessing in disguise because absence makes the heart grow fonder and we appreciate each other more. What is interesting to me is I have found quite the opposite. The more time we are able to spend together, the better our relationship becomes. I also have heard the argument that it is because our lives have an ending that they are meaningful; each day is ripe with purpose because we will only have it once. Yet, instead of bringing me comfort, this thought only stabs me. My life is counting down to nothingness and no matter how much purpose and love I experience in my few years alive, it will all come to a crashing end, leaving my loved ones in anguish with my passing.

As much as I want to though, I can't accept the Christian teaching, or really discern anything about the existence of a god. Is this necessary for an afterlife? Do we have this deep desire for nothing? Is there something I just cannot see?