As a new de-convert from Christianity, I haven't really come out of the closet to many people yet. My parents are very devout and I know that the notion of their daughter burning in hell for all eternity would cause them more pain than I want to think about, so I haven't told them. I also haven't said much to people at church because for the past year or so I've been teaching sunday school for the 5th and 6th grade girls. I would hate for those parents to think that I was misleading their children or filling their heads with lies, so I've just quietly resigned my post when I could no longer believe what I was teaching. Needless to say, my conversations about why I no longer believe have been few and far between. However, there have been a few people who noticed when I was upset, and as I am a terrible liar, the truth came out and I had a few discussions.
The first people I told anything to was a couple in the church whom I had gotten to know and trust. The wife wanted to tell me about her experiences, that she was so convinced that God and Jesus were true and the Bible really was the word of God because she had an overwhelming feeling that they were true and she was so filled with peace and joy she knew it had to be God. She told me about a few people she had known who had been healed of different things and after that there was really no discussion. I didn't want to stomp all over her story and clearly she gained peace and joy from her relationship with God, so I let that one go. My discussion with the husband was a little more interesting. He debated me on several points and we were able to discuss some philosophical issues. I finally came out and said that I just didn't believe the Bible was anything more than the work of man; that it defied logic to assume this was the perfect word of God and what was funny was that he couldn't really disagree. I would make a comment, he would throw a possible explanation (one that months ago may have satisfied me) and I would poke a giant hole in the possibility. What amazed me most was that at the end of the discussion, he conceded most of my points. The final statement was something along the lines of "Well I can't really argue with you, but I still have my faith..." Twice more since that discussion I have had the same response from my friends. Why is this?
I've come to realize that there probably is literally nothing you could say to a strong believer that would cause them to look objectively at their faith and acknowledge the possibility that they could be wrong. Even the weakest apologetic arguments are passed along because as long as there is some answer, it will do. I can't pass judgment on anyone who feels this way because I have been there. Becoming a Christian completely defines who you are. It affects every aspect of your life in ways you didn't even realize until you start to shake it off. The process of questioning everything I knew about the world was crushing and terribly lonely. I know exactly why no one wants to question their beliefs; the cost of letting them go is too high. So why did I finally begin this stumbling journey towards what I hope is the truth?
Something personal. I could put all those questions and injustices of my faith aside as long as they didn't stare me in the face, but when it finally came time for me to watch someone I loved pass away and grapple with the idea that God would allow them to suffer for all eternity, the doors of objectivity swung wide open. I imagine it will be the same when I finally have to confront the people in my life I am hiding this from; we will have a discussion and most likely we won't understand each other. Even if I can dismantle every crumbling foundation and knock out the old boarded windows of Christianity, they will just be put back on their shaky hinges. I don't suppose anyone will be willing to let go of what they believe until they encounter something personal.
If you feel like continuing the debate after someone tries to end it with the "I still have my faith" line, you can try this quote from Dan Barker: "If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits."
ReplyDeleteI agree that it must be terribly difficult for someone to give up their faith, especially those for whom it is such an integral part of their lives. It's not simply flipping a switch in their brain and suddenly they have learned something new. For most people it will have a significant impact on their social life and family relationships, not to mention a radical change in their perception of, well, reality.
I keep thinking of Jim Carrey's character in The Truman Show, when he discovered what he thought was reality really wasn't. Thank goodness he was brave enough to open the door and walk through it. I think those who cling to their faith don't even want to look at the door when someone tries to open it. They probably think the same thing about us, hence the impasse.